Mr Fix Nothing

What do you do when you feel like your husband is not “masculine” enough?

I don’t typically like to subscribe to gender roles, but for the purpose of this discussion the definition of masculinity is… having qualities traditionally ascribed to men, as strength and boldness. A man that isn’t afraid of a little grit and can do some repairs around the house.

I met a woman who is newly wed and currently facing a challenge with her husband. She said she doesn’t find him to be masculine enough and it’s affecting her relationship with him.  Side note* This people is why don’t like to sit at the community table in restaurants; everyone seems to think they can talk to me, just kidding.  I guess I have one of those faces.

So your first thought may be, did she not realize his lack of “masculinity” prior to marrying him? I’m not sure, it sounded to me like they had a long distance relationship prior to being married. She gave me the impression that they did not spend much of their dating time in the same location. That’s not ideal, but not extremely unusual, some people don’t shack up until married. Now that they share a life and a home his laziness, if I may call it that, is coming to light.

Why is she feeling this way? She said, her last boyfriend was a “manly man.” He was the fix shit when it was broken, dirt under his nails, ability to solve a problem, alpha male man. Her husband is apparently the, I’m going to go upstairs to finish my TV show because the repair man’s talking is killing the climatic scene of Luke Cage type.  I can see how that would be frustrating. Going from one man who will fix the broken dishwasher to a man who wont even greet and listen to the repair man is quite a contrast. All she is asking is for her husband to do some stuff around the house; pick up a screwdriver every now and again. Even if it’s just to put it away after she used it to fix something.

Granted, she probably shouldn’t be comparing her husband to her ex boyfriend, but is it wrong to expect your husband to do certain things around the house? It sounds like he expects her to cook and clean. I’m single and I have to snake my own drain, fix my own toilet, fix my own leaky faucet, and  troubleshoot my own household issues.  I don’t have a problem continuing to take care of my home after I get married, but I certainly don’t expect to be taking care of the repairs by myself. Not with a man in the house. If I have to take care of everything myself he might as well not be there, IJS.

This is impacting the way she feels about him, so it’s definitely important to her. You like what you like, but he is who he is. Is it wrong for her to feel this way? What should she do?

Feel free to share your thoughts.

 

NAO

For Her. For Him. For Us.

 I was listening to For Her by Ricardo Del Rio this morning on Spotify and it made me think about a man I met recently. We went from strangers to I kinda like him, to OMG what did I get myself in to, to good riddance in two weeks. That has got to be a new record for a man pissing me off, lol. This man, in my opinion, had a very structured life and no room for a woman in it. It must be true what people say, don’t stay single for too long because it will be hard to share your life. This guy was 40 and said his last girlfriend was in high school; should’ve been clue number one.

We were somewhat alike, although it didn’t seem that we had much in common. How does that work? I don’t know, but it’s true we were similar just on opposite sides of the spectrum. I was willing to get to know him because he did have qualities that I did like. After a few convos, however, it became clear that it probably wouldn’t work, especially since he said he doesn’t like strong women which I am. He was very much an Alpha Male and we clashed on every topic especially those that involved how he wants to live his life in the future. One day I told him that I feel like he has his whole life planned and just wants a woman who he could plug into her place. Yes, her place.

For Her made me think about how we need to be open to compromise after a certain age for relationships to work. It has been at least 6 years since I had to share my life with another person or consider another person’s feelings. I’m ready, but it didn’t seem to me that he was. You’re probably wondering how did I know that in only two weeks. It was the way he spoke to me, he would not waiver in his ideas, and he was somewhat controlling. I don’t think he was a bad guy, just not a good match for me. Thanks a lot Eharmony, with those commercials that come on every five minutes. Thanks a lot sis-in-law who convinced me to sign up, you both get the side eye. Ha, just kidding, sort of.

Next guy I meet I am going to consider if I come off the same way this dude came off to me. I want the next man to be open to make changes for me, me for him, and we for us.

Is there a such thing as being single too long? What do you think?

Anyway, check out the song, For Her by Ricardo Del Rio on Spotify, it’s pretty cool.

NAO

Trump’s Impact on Black Dating

I’ve never used my blog to discuss politics, but this is getting out of hand and I’ve had three dating experience that have been impacted by political beliefs. Thank you Trump for inspiring my first blog post of the year. Never thought I’d thank him for anything.

I am first going to respond to Trump’s question about what Black people have to lose by supporting him, which I also previously posted on FB.

How about my life? That’s something I value. How about the life of my family? That’s something I value. How about the life of every person in this country who looks like me, male or female? That’s something I value. Those are big things to lose under leadership who’s rhetoric is so filled with hate and white supremacy that his mindless drones have a mission to shoot and kill people on sight who look like me. I do not feel safe in the skin that I’m in and there’s nothing I can do about it except not vote for Trump, because it won’t make anything any better, but can definitely make things worse. Because I value my life and all the lives of those who look like me, I have A LOT to lose!! ✊🏾🇺🇸 ‪#‎blacklivesmatters ‪#‎mylifematters ‪#‎alottolose

Now how does this relate?

I went on a blind date with a man that I was introduced to by a friend. I should’ve known his ass was crazy after I Googled him, but I’ll respect his privacy. It was going alright, yes, just alright, in the beginning, and was on a steady decline. I just wasn’t feeling his personality. It was time for me to go, however, when he informed me that he does not vote. I asked, “How can you not vote?” Of course no good response. He does not vote at all in any capacity, presidential, local, amendments, nothing!! I thought that was so ignorant. All that we as Black people have endured to get the right to vote, he was just throwing it away and thought it was funny. If we don’t have anything else, we have our voice and he opts to throw it away. No respect; no second date.

I met a second individual, a White man. For the most part, I exclusively date Black men because it is what I like, it is what I am attracted to, and Black men are who I think I would have more in common with. Anyway, I am trying to be open, I don’t have a problem with White men, just not what I’m dawn to. Very first conversation he informs me he is voting for Trump. I agree, you can vote for whoever you want. I can entertain a relationship with whoever I want. This isn’t going to work. Last phone convo. I like to think that I am an opened minded person, but there has been not one thing that Trump has ever said that I can respect or support. Heck the dude wasn’t even able to say anything, he just didn’t like Hillary. Trump does not value my life or those who look like me and he is verbal about it. In fact he doesn’t value anyone other than himself and his supporters are a distant second if that. Any man who would consider dating a Black woman, could not have possible thought his opinions on supporting Trump would go over well. I could possibly have gotten over the fact that he was a Republican, but not the Trump supporter!

Third experience, this man and I were having a political discussion. He does not support Trump or Hillary. I hear that a lot, ok, let’s discuss. I asked him, what is his problem with Hillary. His response, “I don’t know, there is just something about her.” Ok, again you can support whomever you choose, but I believe you should be an educated voter. I don’t think anyone has to support Hillary, but I find it strange when you are adamant you don’t like someone and yet have NO idea as to why. It just makes you look silly. He is just on the bandwagon. He does not have an opinion of his own. Not a very attractive quality. That’s over!

In my opinion, political values need to be in line. We may not always agree, but when your values contradict mine, we are in for a life of disagreements and disrespect.

Let me know your thoughts. Would you date someone who’s political beliefs are a contrast to yours?

 

NAO

 

 

Buckitude… Bad F**K Attitude!

Hi everyone! Hope you are having a marvelous weekend!!

I’ve been blogging since 2013, so at this point I think we are friends. Can I get personal with you? I’m about to get personal with you.

I saw a Michael Baisden video, where he asked women if they faked orgasms. It’s no surprise that many women said yes because they wanted it to end, they want to stroke the man’s ego, etc. Everyone knows that women talk, good girlfriends have very few secrets between them. We may not get into great detail because we want to respect the sanctity of the bedroom, but guys if you knock it out the box, the friends know, if you are lame, the friends know. It just is what it is, sorry.

So to my question. Should bad sex be a deal breaker? Do we put too much emphasis on sex in relationships? Do men feel pressured to be on their A game? Do women cause this pressure? My friend coined a new term “buckitud”, which means bad f**k attitude.

Sex is important and full of benefits, for all the reason we all know up to and including release. If you know someone who is tightly wound and on edge, they probably haven’t had any in a while, IJS. Let me ask you, if you owned a company and your employee was not up to par would you let that person go? Hell yes, they are not serving their purpose. I am NOT suggesting sex is the only purpose, but is it wrong to think along those same lines? I understand that it takes time to get to know each other’s bodies, likes and dislikes, and be comfortable with one another. Is it at least fair to say if the performance doesn’t improve that it becomes a deal breaker?

My friends and I had a discussion about this. Bad sex is definitely a frustrating experience. Fellas do you know all that a woman goes through to prep? The de-furring and smell good ritual alone is time consuming. We go through a lot to get right for you, to end up disappointed. Partners need to be on the same page with stamina and expectations. Ladies if you need a man too sample your cake and he doesn’t like sweets, that’s a freaking problem!!!! You can say, oohh I like him, it will get better. Uuhhhmm, what if it doesn’t? What if the sex is boring and lacks excitement? What if he has a problem maintaining an erection? What if he finishes before he starts :-|. It’s already an awkward situation, but do you bring it up later to discuss it?

We’re all adults and friends, so I will say I had an experience that was beyond terrible. We never saw each other again and it pretty much ended.  I know he wanted a redemption visit, but I decided it just wasn’t worth it; I didn’t like him enough. I have another friend who had such a buckitude she wanted to cheat! When you are so unsatisfied you want to sleep with another person, it is definitely a problem. I suppose if someone has enough good qualities maybe it is something you can get past. Read a book, watch a video, visit the adult store, heck I don’t know. Take a look at the videos they are quite interesting.

Let me know what you think. Have you had a terrible experience? Is good sex important to you? Are you willing to stick it out and work with your partner?

Feel free to share. You can post to the blog anonymously.

NAO